ADD and My Life

I think my brain is becoming a spam filter. Let's take today, for example. I have given intructions and I am ready to pass out tests, and ask " What questions do you have about the test or the assignment that you are to begin when you are done?". I should have just asked a Prince from Zaire to send me ads to grow different parts of my anatomy. First it was 3 hands,not so bad. Than 3 more, seriously?!?!?Then to top it off 4 hands from students who already asked questions,apparently they were two parters and I cut them off. Of the 12- 14 questions I answered, 4 I had previously mentioned in instructions, 3 were repeats, 5 had nothing to do with the test or assignment, and 2 were just plain dumb.
I know that if you do the math on the numbers above there is no consistancy between them, but who cares?
That is just a taste of one portion ,of one period, of my day. It is no suprise to me when you ask a kid what they did at school , they reply"nuthin" . The are probably thinking about monkeys and how can I beat the next level of my video game.

This just in...."Are you busy Saturday? Because I am". And I thought letting ids eat in my room was a good idea....

Can we just add medication to the water suppply at school and let the kids drone through the day?

We all have nagging pains. Right now, my wife has the nagging pain in her hips that comes with 7 months of being pregnant. I am experiencing the nagging pain of annoying students. I have one student, I will call him Hot Wheels. I give that name affectionately. This student had a fascination with the Jackass movies, and got the bright idea to stick a hot wheels car into the anus of one of his friends. A few questions; 1. What type of friend sticks a hot wheels car in your anus? 2. What type of friend exposes his anus? Is this the bright future of America that teachers are molding? I digress. Hot Wheels is that kid.

I started writing this post A LONG time ago. My wife is no longer 7 months pregnant, Harper is now 4 months old. I no longer teach high school, I am the cool new science teacher in the middle school.

Some things don't change. I still have those students (like Gothie and Hot Wheels), they are just much smaller and more impressionable. With all of the warped/fun ideas I have, this is going to be a great year.

Let's just hope for funny blog posts sake, the kids are just as screwed up.

A New Hope

My first job was as a telemarketer selling Entertainment books on behalf of the Coppell Cheerleaders Booster Club. WORST JOB EVER. I sat in a room with 10 other people all calling and reciting the mantra"Good evening my name is Matt and I am calling on behalf of the Coppell Cheerleaders Booster Club. " This is where it gets interesting. People will react in one of three ways.

Number one: Hello. Silence and than the hang up. Not so bad. No akward chit chat, no explaining why I am calling from a town 75 miles away from Coppell.

Number two: Thanks but no thanks. Thanks for letting me down easy, I really liked it when you thanked me for calling.

Number three: Anger. How did you get this number? Why would I want to spend $40 on a piece of s--- book? F--- You. I will eat your children if you ever call again. You get the picture

This was the most depressing job. Allof my coworkers had some fatal flaw that allowed them to cope with the continuing rejection. There was an overweight goth-like girl. We will call her Gothie. Gothie worked there for a few months before I got there. She was huge. Black was not her color. She was the type of girl that no straight man would touch let alone sit next to at a cardtable dialing the phone. We all know Gothie from somewhere in our lives. Gothie took rejection like a pro. After years of dressing like a vampire and looking like Jabba the Hut, I can deduct why telemarketing was her chosen profession. I couldn't take the rejection. I quit after 3 days and one sale.

Telemarketing and teaching are professions where you know what to expect when you get into it, and those expectations are strikingly similar.

The customer I am working with is not receptive to what I am selling.

When I make contact I will get one of three responses.(See above).

There are overweight goth chicks.

Don't get me wrong, teaching has its perks,today was one of them. We started a new term. That means new students for the next 18 weeks, reusing jokes and lame stories, getting a fresh start and making mid year adjustments.

Teachers make their new term resolutions. " I am going to be more strict" " I am going to grade assignments more often" " I am going to clean my desk" , the list goes on. My resolution? Be a dick. You forgot your homework? Oh well. You need an extension onyour assignment? Jump in a lake. I don't want to hear or acknowledge your sob story so F-off.

I had to tame myself when there was 30 minutes left in the last period of the day and a girl walked up to me during the assignment and said, " I am supposed to be in biology, I think I belong next door". Poor thing, I only introduced myself and said this is Animal Anatomy about 50 times up to this point. I guess that leaves a fourth response to a telemarketing call, nobody home.

The Beginning

I teach. I teach a subject most students, administrators, and other teachers don't care about; agriculture. Technically I teach more biology, anatomy, and physiology than agriculture, but hey I get to relate it to Ag so I guess that works.



Who ever came up with the saying "Those who can't, teach" never set foot in a classroom in an official capacity. It seems crazy though, spend 4 years of college, do another 2 to get a credential, take an unpaid internship, then get the "opportunity" to mold the minds of the future. YAY! I am in student loan debt up to my ears and I get to give kids bathroom passes. The irony of the whole situation is I am as, if not more, educated than most, but I choose to make my profession teaching and explaining stuff that is outdated once the kids get to college. Oh well, It could be worse. It could be working at Mc Donald's. (At least there you can spit in the food.)